Hiding From Reality
by hipturtle15
Summary: After visiting his mother in Nevada, Dr. Spencer Reid begins to have nightmares of his worst fear, becoming schizophrenic. But once he thinks he's having the symptoms, he refuses to face reality. Can he keep this secret under control? Or will his days in the BAU come to an end?
1. Chapter 1

**Hey ya'll! I just recently saw the episode, "The Fisher King" and felt I should write a fic about Reid and his mother's condition. I may accidentally make his mother a little OOC. So bear with me, and if I get an important fact wrong, don't hesitate to tell me! **

**I hope you enjoy! **

**Hiding From Reality**

**Chapter 1**

**Albert Camus once said, "An intellectual is someone whose mind watches itself." **

Dr. Spencer Reid stood at the entrance of the room his mother was in at the sanitarium. He spotted Diana Reid sitting in a chair in front of a window, lost in thought. He smiled sadly at her as she rested her head on her hand and pulled out her journal. She began to scroll through the pages and sighed. Reid straightened his yellow polo shirt and walked over to her. He smiled as he set a gentle hand on her shoulder, causing his mother to look up at him in shock.

"Spencer," she gasped and gave him a tiny smile. "You frightened me." Reid faintly chuckled and sat in the chair in front of his mother.

"You surprised?" he asked after gently taking his mother's hand in his own. Diana nodded and sway their hands side to side slowly.

"Why didn't you tell me you were coming over in your letters?" she asked.

"Well, the team and I are working on a case about an hour away so I figured I would surprise you," Reid answered. Diana nodded again and released his hand.

"How are your friends, Spencer? I never see them anymore," she asked.

"They're good. The job can be stressful at times, though," Reid said.

"All adventures get stressful, Spencer," Diana said. Reid nodded at her. He loved it when his mother called the cases he worked on 'adventures'. His eyes grew with realization and he reached into his back pocket.

"I almost forgot," he mumbled. "I brought you something." Reid pulled out a pen and handed it to his mom.

"A pen?" she asked with a curious smile.

"Not just a pen, that pen has special ink that will last you seven years. Perfect for your journals," Reid explained. Diana examined the utensil and looked back at her son.

"Thank you. I'll defiantly be using this," she said. She set the pen to the side and stared at the grown and began to cover up half of her face with the palm of her hand. Reid sat forward, getting closer to her.

"Do you want to get some fresh air, mom?" he asked her. Diana studied him for a little while and nodded. They both stood up, Reid grabbed his mom's arm and gave it a small pat before gently smiling at her.

()()()()()()()

The mother and son walked through the park that belonged to the sanitarium. Reid noticed as his mother began to look around and over her shoulder here and there, as if she was just looking for something. Reid grew worried at her actions and couldn't hesitate to question her.

"Mom, are you okay? You look a little paranoid," he said. Diana gave him the most troubled look that made his frown sink lower. "Mom?"

"Why are you questioning me like that, Spencer?" she asked quickly.

"You're worrying me," Reid said and stopped in his tracks, his mother stopped as well. She balled her fists and placed it in front of her mouth, squeezing her eyes shut. Reid noticed her move her face to the left, as if she was beginning to tick.

"Mother, have you been taking your medication?" he asked her seriously. Diana snapped her head up and looked at him nervously.

"Why would you ask me that? Stop it, please," she begged softly. Reid set his hands on his mother's arms to calm her down.

"Mom, please answer me. Have you been taking the medication?" he asked again sternly.

"…no," she said and wiped some tears off her cheeks.

"Oh, Mom…" Reid said in a disappointed tone. "Why didn't you tell someone?"

"I'm getting tired of taking it," his mother wined.

"Mom, you can't take care of yourself without it," Reid argued, shaking her shoulders gently.

"I can too."

"How long have you been going without it?" he asked.

"That's none of your business, Spencer," Diana snapped, beginning to back up a bit.

"I'm just concerned about you, that's all," Reid said trying her keep her in his grip, he didn't want to lose her. Diana set her hands on his cheeks and smiled at him.

"Don't be concerned, honey. I'm fine," she said. Reid took her hands and took them off his face slowly.

"No, you're not," he said softly. "I'm going to call your doctor," he said, beginning to pull out his phone. Diana's eyes lit up.

"No, no, please," she said and took a few steps forward but found herself stumbling on her own feet. She reached her arms out and leaned against Reid to support her balance. Reid, not seeing it coming, lost his balance and feel onto the concrete, his elbow scraping against the hard ground. He hissed at the pain and tried to examine his elbow, which was bleeding. He looked up at his mom, who was looking at her hands and crying.

"I pushed my own son!" she cried. Reid stood up quick and placed his hands on her shoulders.

"No, mom, no, you tripped. We're clumsy people remember?" he said with a forced smile, trying to make her laugh but Diana cried harder.

"No, I pushed you and I'm so sorry, Spencer," she said and ticked her head to the side.

"Mom, mom, calm down. I'm fine, I just have a scratch and that's all, see?" Reid said and lifted his elbow. But his mother panicked more at the blood sliding down his arm.

"Oh my gosh I made you bleed!" Diana cried. "I'm sorry! I'm so sorry!" Reid struggled to keep his mother's arms down as she screamed and tried to hit her head. Two male nurses finally rushed over and grabbed his mother away from him.

"You may have to come back tomorrow. We'll try to take care of this," one of them said.

"Mom, you'll be fine," Reid said as his mother began to cry out to him. The second she was dragged out of sight he wiped away a few tears that streamed down his face. The memories when he had sent her away began to come back to him. Maybe he wasn't helping her, maybe he made everything worse for her.

**I hope I got Diana okay enough. Now that I think about it, I might have made it a little too dramatic. Oh well. **

**Review please!**


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

Reid tiredly drove to the hotel the rest of the team was at. As he drove he thought about his mom and how she had freaked out over the smallest problem. He glanced down at the blue band aid placed over his scratch on his elbow. He hated the fact that no one at the sanitarium ever noticed his mother skipping her medication. He wondered when she last ate or gave herself exercise. Reid just wished his job didn't require so much time; he wanted more time to see his mom. Maybe if he did, she would take care of herself more. _Daily letters just aren't enough, _he thought.

Spencer pulled into the hotel parking lot and exited his car. He made sure he locked it and walked inside. He stepped into the nearest elevator and pushed the button to the floor he was on. As he stood there and waited for the elevator to stop, he continued to think of his mother and her condition. What if he was going to end up like his mother? Would Hotch have to kick him off the team? Will his friends treat him differently? He shook his head from the thought as he realized the elevator doors opened almost a minute ago. He quickly exited before the doors could close.

Reid walked down the hallway to his and Morgan's room. He pulled out the key and unlocked the room door. He stepped inside to see Morgan looking through case files and sipping some water. He looked up at his friend and closed the file.

"Hey, how was your visit?" he asked. Reid looked at the ground, wondering if he should tell the truth or not. He looked back up quickly to make sure his emotion wasn't obvious.

"It was fine," he said and collapsed onto his bed after throwing his messenger bag to the side.

"Was she surprised to see you?" Morgan questioned. Reid rolled over onto his back and set his hands on his stomach.

"Yeah," he said quietly. He kept his eyes glued to the ceiling and took in a deep sigh.

"Have any new bodies been discovered since I was gone?" he asked after rolling his head over to meet Morgan's eyes. His friend shook his head. "Good, because that's the last thing we need." Reid looked back up at the ceiling after realizing his voice was growing dull, he hoped Morgan didn't notice. But it was really hard having a group of friends that are all profilers.

"You alright there, Pretty Boy?" Morgan asked. Reid nodded and rolled over to the side, facing the wall.

"I'm just tired," he answered. "I think I'll go to bed early." Reid began to kick off his shoes and then pulled the tucked covers out from under him and covered up his body.

"Alright then, night," Morgan said. Reid closed his eyes and fell into a deep slumber.

* * *

"_Spencer, please don't do this to me…" Reid could hear his mother beg. It was the same thing she had said before he sent her to the sanitarium. He jolted awake in his bed and looked around with sweat running down his forehead. He felt his blood run cold as he realized he wasn't in the hotel room he had fallen asleep into. He pulled the covers off slowly and looked around the room. _

"_Morgan?" he called. His friend was nowhere to be found. Reid jumped as the door opened by itself and a bright light beamed into his room. He shielded his face and walked closer as the light began to fade. He walked out of his room to find a lobby with people sitting around in. _

"_Oh, good morning, Dr. Reid," a female voice said. Reid jumped and turned around to see a woman with blonde hair and a smile. _

"_Who are you?" he asked her. The blonde stranger cocked her head to the side. _

"_I'm your doctor silly. You know, Dr. Jones?" she said. Then it was Reid's turn to cock his head, his eyes darted across the floor apprehensively and he looked back up at her. _

"_Where am I? And where's my team?" he asked almost in a demanding tone. His heart dropped as the doctor frowned and stared at him with the most confused look he had seen._

"_Don't you remember? Your team sent you here once you were diagnosed with schizophrenia almost a year ago," she said. Reid stumbled backwards; he set his hand on the wall to catch himself and took in deep breaths. _

"_No, no, you're lying. You have to be," he denied. His doctor took a step forward and tried to help him but he backed up. The more steps he took behind him, the more she walked towards him; he noticed a devious smile spread across her lips as she walked closer. He shivered as he saw her mood change dramatically. What was going on?_

"_That's right, Spencer. You can't take care of yourself, just like your pathetic mother. Now you're stuck here while the rest of your team is living their lives now that you're out of them," she mocked. Reid continued to walk backward as she walked closer to him. _

"_You're lying!" he began to yell. _

"_Just face it, Spencer. YOU'RE STUCK HERE!" the doctor screamed. Reid found himself stumbling backward as he backed into a wooden chair. His back hit the chair and he fell backwards to the ground, screaming on the way down. _

* * *

Reid jolted awake and sat up quickly. He found his trembling hands gripping the sheets tightly and he was sweating. He ripped the sheets off and slid his fingers up his brown hair after taking in a large and shaky breath. He could hear Morgan rolling over in his bed to face his friend.

"Reid, you okay, man?" he asked meekly. Reid looked at him for a little while.

"Yeah, yeah. I just had a b-bad dream that's a-all," he replied quickly, stuttering from his trembling form.

"Okay, just checking," Morgan mumbled before falling back asleep. Reid sat his head back on his pillow; his body was too hot to cover himself back up. He rubbed his eyes as the sight of his doctor's evil grin. The memory burned into his mind forever. He sighed deeply as his body was still shaking, his breath as well. He already knew what had triggered that terrible nightmare; his mind was already going back to the day before.

He remembered his mother being dragged away from him, apologizing over and over. It was never her fault he scratched his elbow, all she did was trip. Maybe if he could've kept his balance he wouldn't have fallen and his mother would have been calmer. He rolled over and stared at the clock beside his bed. It was only three-thirty am. He couldn't go back to sleep. Not after that.

**Please review!**


	3. Chapter 3

**Hey ya'll! Just a warning, this chapter may be a little boring, but it'll get interesting later on. I promise. If you pay attention, you may spot hints of Reid's mind playing tricks on him. ;)**

**And I'm sorry if you feel I am skipping ahead of the story. Like, skipping the case for example. This story is mainly based on Reid and his conflict with his mind. **

**Anyways, I hope you enjoy! **

**Chapter 3**

Reid lay in the hotel bed for hours; he wasn't sure how many, though. He was sick of the clock haunting him, telling him how many hours of sleep he was missing. He couldn't believe his own mind would do that to him. He'd always had a bad history of nightmares, but what he had experienced was just the worst. Seeing himself end up like his mother, made his stomach churn. His nightmare told him his friends were happy now that he was out of their lives. Would that be true? Was his nightmare just a warning of how his life would be in the future? Thinking that made his stomach churn even more.

Reid jumped as the clock beside his bed went off and it buzzed over and over. He sat up and looked at the window in the hotel room. The curtain was closed but he could see light beaming from the sides, he never noticed it was morning. He saw Morgan stirring in bed beside his. Reid quickly lay back down before Morgan could see him. He didn't want him to know he was up the rest of the night.

Reid could hear Morgan move the covers off of himself and stand up. He heard his friend walk over to the curtains and open them, light covering the room. He then walked around the bed and turned the clock off. Reid didn't hear much after that, as if Morgan stopped moving, was he watching him?

"Hey, kid. Wake up," he said. Before Reid could mumble in response, he felt a pillow hit his face. He jumped up and removed the pillow off himself. He looked back at Morgan with an irritated expression as his friend chuckled at him.

"Did I scare you, Reid?" he asked with a playful grin. Reid forced a grin back and sat up, rubbing his eyes.

"Kind of, yeah," he replied with a mumble.

"So what happened last night?" Morgan asked as he was grabbing a set of clothes from his suitcase. Reid looked down at his sheets, thinking of an excuse.

"Just a dream," he said as if it was no big deal.

"_Just _a dream? Reid, you woke up sweaty and you were panting. It seems to me you had a nightmare," Morgan profiled. Reid finally got out of bed and pulled out his suitcase.

"So what? Technically, nightmares are extremely common, and may affect as many as eighty to ninety percent of people at some point in their lives. Did you know that nightmares can begin at age three, and are common in tiny children? They generally lessen as a person grows up, though. But most adults will also have nightmares on occasion during their lives. Plus-" Reid said but was cut off by Morgan.

"Whoa, I didn't ask for statistics, man," he said with a chuckle.

"Right, sorry," Reid apologized with his noticeable timid smile.

"It's cool. Do you remember when we are supposed to be at the station again?" Morgan asked. Reid didn't even need to think before he responded.

"At eight o'clock exactly," he replied. Morgan looked at him and then at the clock.

"We got time for breakfast, right?" he asked. Reid opened his mouth to respond but he stopped himself before he could reply with exact information on how many miles the police station was from the hotel and how much time they truly had. Instead, he just glanced at the clock and looked back at his friend.

"Yeah," he responded.

()()()()()()()()

Reid sat in the breakfast hall in the lobby of the hotel. He stared down at his empty plate and just waited for Morgan to come back with his second helping of waffles. Morgan came around and sat in front of him. Morgan grabbed a packet of syrup and let it rain on his breakfast. He stared at Reid and then his plate.

"Reid, all you've had is just one egg," he said. Reid looked down at his empty plate again and then back at Morgan.

"So, what's your point?" he asked.

"Aren't you still hungry?" Morgan asked as he stabbed his fork into a bite of waffles. Reid shrugged and shook his head.

"I'm not all that hungry today," he replied simply and then he rested his head on his hand.

"Whatever you say," Morgan said before he shoved the bite of waffles into his mouth. Reid began to go deep in thought. He really wasn't all that hungry, but he was growing very tired. Reid closed his eyes for just a little bit, he just wanted to relax his mind. All of a sudden, the doctor in his dream appeared and gave him that same evil look.

"See you later, Spencer," she said deviously. Spencer snapped his head up instantly, he watched Morgan put down his fork and stare at him.

"What is up with you, man?" he asked concerned. Reid shook his head.

"I'm just tired," he snapped. He looked at his empty cup of coffee and grabbed it. "I'll just get some more coffee," he said and stood up. He made his way over to the coffee machine and filled up his coffee. He stood there for a minute, thinking about how bad that dream affected him.

He looked back up, snapping himself away from the thoughts and brought the tip of the coffee cup to his lips. He tipped it up but realized that no coffee filled his taste buds with relief. He looked down at his cup and pondered, the cup was empty. He shook his head and poured coffee into the cup.

_I could've sworn I had already poured the coffee, _he thought.

"Hey, Reid," a familiar voice said. Reid turned around to see Emily Prentiss standing behind him with a coffee cup in her hands. He greeted back at her with a wave and moved over so she could get some coffee as well.

"I didn't see you after you left yesterday. How's your mom?" she asked as she poured the beverage into her cup. Reid almost groaned, the thought of his mom making his stomach hurt. _Is everyone going to ask me that? _He thought. Instead of groaning he just rubbed his eyes.

"She's fine," he said quietly.

"I'm sure she was after seeing you," Emily smiled and patted his shoulder before walking off to sit with JJ. Reid looked over at their table to see Morgan walking over to say good morning. Reid decided to join them even though he wasn't really looking forward to engage in conversation. He figured if he sat away from them they'd think something was wrong.

()()()()()()()

**Afternoon-**

The team boarded the jet after they had finally finished the case. Reid sat himself down in a chair and Morgan sat in front of him. It was late, and everyone was settling into a comfortable position, pulling out blankets and snuggling up. Morgan pulled out his headphones and plugged them into his MP3 player. Reid pulled out a book by one of his favorite authors and began to read it.

Page by page he flipped through it as he read at his normal fast pace. He figured the more he read, the more it would keep him from falling asleep. He was afraid of sleep now. He didn't want to slip into another dream. He didn't want to wake up and worry the team. Reid was so lost in thought he just continued to stare at the page he was on. He jumped once Morgan tapped the table to get his attention. Reid snapped his head up and stared at his friend.

"Hey," he said, setting his headphones over his neck, he set his elbows on the table.

"What?" Reid asked, setting down his book.

"You would normally be knocked out by now. How come you're not sleeping like the others?" Morgan asked. Reid looked around at his sleeping friends, pretending he never realized. He looked back at Morgan and shrugged.

"I'm not all that tired," he lied. Morgan squinted his eyes at his friend, suspiciously glaring at him.

"What?" Reid asked him with an annoyed tone.

"Reid, something has to be wrong. The dark circles under your eyes tell me so. Was it that dream last night?" Morgan asked him. Reid's eyes grew wide at how loud Morgan had said that. He noticed Hotch opening his eyes meekly and looking at the two with a frown across the small room. Reid looked back at Morgan, his face growing red. He wasn't sure if it was because of embarrassment or just anger.

"Just _shut up _about it, Morgan," he spat through his teeth. His friend raised his eyebrows at him. "I'm sorry. It's just now isn't the time to talk about it," Reid apologized quickly as he realized what he had done. _Have I ever told Morgan to shut up? _

"We'll when you're ready, you know where to find me," Morgan said and slipped his headphones back over his head. Reid looked back down at his book and sighed.

"_Psst!"_ Reid looked up and around. He looked over at Morgan, who had placed his hands on his stomach and leaned his head back with his eyes closed. Reid wondered if it was him who had made that noise. Maybe he was playing with him.

"_Psst!" _Reid turned around, now it sounded as if it came from behind him. It defiantly wasn't Morgan. Nothing was behind him.

"_Psst!" _he looked in front of him. _What is that? _Reid clamped his hands over his ears and leaned forward, his forehead touching the table in front of him. He then crossed his arms in front of him and dug his head in them. The whispering slowly stopped, just as he was slowly falling asleep.

* * *

_Reid woke up and looked around. He was in the same lobby he had seen in his previous dream. He scanned the room for that scary doctor, fearing she would come back for him. Instead he looked forward, and his mother was sitting in the chair in front of him. _

"_Mom?" he asked. Diana nodded and frowned at him. _

"_So how does it feel?" she asked him. Reid cocked his head to the side. _

"_How does what to feel?" he questioned. His mother leaned forward in her chair. _

"_To be sent away by loved ones. It hurts doesn't it?" she asked hatefully. Reid shook his head; there was no way that was his mother. That was just his mind playing tricks on him. _

"_But I'm not really here," he answered. _

"_Yes you are. Your team sent you hear because they were getting sick of your condition. Just like how you were sick of mine," Diana spat. Reid's lip quivered, he couldn't stand hearing his own mother saying that to him. He never knew she could talk to him like that. _

"_Mom, it was for your own good," he said. _

"_No! You were sick of hearing me complain! You were sick of taking care of me and lecturing me! How does it feel, son?" she yelled at him. Reid flinched and sunk into his chair, staring at her as if she was a monster. _

"_I did it because I care about you," he said. _

"_You were sick of me!" Reid stood out of his chair and looked down at his mom. _

"_I care about you!" he shouted. All a sudden, there was a huge flash of white and his mother disappeared._

* * *

"Reid!" he could hear Morgan shouting and shaking his shoulders. Reid's eyes snapped open, but he didn't see Morgan as he was expecting to. He saw his mother staring at him angrily. He screamed at the sight of her and covered his eyes. Refusing what he was seeing.

"What's wrong?" Morgan yelled at him, panic covering his voice. Reid removed his hands from his face and hated the sight in front of him. His mother may not have been there anymore, but Morgan was. And so was the rest of the team.


	4. Chapter 4

**Hey ya'll! So I'm sorry this chapter is so short! I didn't have a lot of time to type today. I had to help take down the Christmas tree, swap back some presents, and take down all the decorations. So basically, I wrote this in a rush. I didn't want to leave ya'll without an update.**

**I hope you enjoy anyways, though! **

**Chapter 4**

Reid rubbed his face tiredly and slumped into his seat after taking in deep breaths. The entire team was staring at him, concern planted on each of their faces. He met every single one of their eyes nervously; afraid they would make him confess what was wrong with him. Morgan finally released Reid's shoulders and sat back down into his seat in front of him. He crossed his arms over his chest and leaned back.

"Reid, you better start telling me what's wrong," he said, staring at his friend seriously.

"I'm fine, guys. I promise," Reid defended.

"Spence, you were screaming in your sleep. You said, 'I care for you,' over and over," JJ said.

"You guys are acting like it's not normal to talk in your sleep," Reid said. Morgan leaned forward in his chair and set his elbows on the table.

"That wasn't just talking, man. You were _screaming_," he said. Reid huffed and began to sit up straighter, his face was growing red with embarrassment as his friends continued to stare at him.

"What do you guys want from me?" he snapped.

"An explanation," Hotch said. Reid looked at him for a while, wondering if really should confess. It's not like he had a better choice, his friend's wouldn't give up on him no matter what.

"Okay," he said quietly. "While I was visiting my mom, she had a little episode due to lack of medication…and well, uh," Reid began to trail off, was he scared? Or was he just embarrassed?

"Take your time," Rossi encouraged. Reid took in a deep breath.

"I'm going to admit, she scared me. And my nightmares just involve her. That's all. I promise it's nothing too serious," Reid said, trying to make them believe that was all that was going on. But he knew well it wasn't. The voices in his head grew worse, and the dreams and headaches. Maybe his dreams were just a sign, he was turning into his mother.

"Are you sure that's all?" Hotch asked, crossing his arms. Reid almost squirmed in his seat after staring at Hotch's piercing eyes. He gave him that serious look that-he couldn't lie-scared the hell out of him. Reid swallowed hard and gave Hotch the most promising face he could give.

"Yes, sir," he said. He felt relief as his voice was stronger than he had wanted it to be. His boss nodded at him. Reid looked at everyone else nervously, he was sick of the worried attention he was gaining. Hotch looked at the team, as if he was reading Reid's mind.

"Alright, everyone just go back to sleep. We have a few more hours till home," he said. Everyone else walked off but him. He patted Reid's shoulder, making Reid look up at him.

"Remember, you can always talk to me about these kinds of things. If the nightmares get worse, just come and tell me," he said and walked back to his seat. Reid looked at Morgan who was still sitting in front of him. All his friend did was stare at him, was he mad? No. He looked furious. Reid blinked and rubbed his eyes then looked at Morgan again. This time, his friend was just leaning his head back and drummed his fingers on his stomach.

But he was just staring at him earlier, right?

**Again, sorry it's short. I knew I would feel guilty if I left ya'll without an update. **

**Please review!**


	5. Chapter 5

**Hey ya'll! I'm not even going to waste your time with my excuses. Too much has happened that I just don't want to explain. But everything is better now so I hope you'll like this chapter. I'm not really expecting a bunch of reviews due to my overdue update. **

**I still really hope you'll enjoy anyways. **

**Chapter 5**

Morgan was lost in thought as he listened to his music. He softly drummed his fingers on his stomach as he was slouched in his seat. He thought about Reid, he was dying to know what was really going on with him. He just had the feeling his best friend wasn't explaining everything that was on his mind. Keeping secrets is bad; if he keeps it to himself something could go wrong. Morgan frowned at what came to his mind next, were he and Spencer really best friends? If Reid was pain and still won't tell the person he trusts the most, then what were they really?

Morgan slowly opened one of his eyes and spotted Reid sitting in front of him. The young man had shifted his legs Indian Style and pulled out a book, rubbing his eyes tiredly. If whatever he had just experienced wasn't such a big deal then why wasn't he going back to sleep? Something was just scaring the kid. As his best friend, Morgan felt like he had the right to know. But Spencer's personal life wasn't his business. But yet, is he being a good friend by letting Reid stay in pain? Morgan closed his eyes quickly as Reid suddenly looked up.

It was weird, his head just snapped up as if something just popped out of nowhere. Like he was scared. Morgan wondered if he should crack his eyes open again, was Reid looking at him? Was that why he snapped his head up? He finally opened his right eye slightly and looked at the young man again. Reid was looking around, almost nervously. He saw him shake his head slightly and then back at his book. Morgan closed his eyes again. Whatever was wrong with Reid, he was going to find out. He sighed as he let sleep take over his body and letting his music sink into his brain.

()()()()()()()

Morgan jumped, his FBI instincts kicking in as he felt someone shake his shoulders. He relaxed as he saw Emily. He took the headphones off and looked around.

"Hey, we're home," she said and picked up her bag. Morgan nodded. He looked over at Reid, who was stuffing the book he was reading into his go bag. Reid placed it over his shoulder and stood up quickly. Before he could leave, Morgan stood up and blocked his path. Reid shuffled backwards awkwardly.

"Where do you think you're going?" he asked. Reid cocked his head to the side.

"…Home?" he said, almost as if asking it.

"Wrong. It's Friday and the night is still young. I can call Garcia and we can hit the town," Morgan offered and was reaching into his pocket for his phone. He saw Reid shake his head.

"No thanks, Morgan. No offence, it's just…I'm not really in the mood to go out. I just want to go home. I'm sorry," he said and shuffled his way past Morgan before he could even deny the young man. Morgan sighed as he watched Reid get off the jet and walk away. That just pissed him off. Morgan walked over to Hotchner, who was walking off the jet stairs.

"You weren't buying that crap were you?" Morgan asked as he walked down the stairs behind his boss.

"Excuse me?" Hotch asked.

"Something is wrong with him, Hotch," Morgan said. He and his boss got to the bottom and started walking to the office.

"I know. Just give him some time to himself and maybe this will all cool down. If I don't see improvement in his actions then we'll talk," Hotch said. Morgan sighed.

"But, he's acting all paranoid-"

"The whole thing with his mother just might have spooked him. Give him time to calm down," Hotch butted in, he stared at Morgan with those piercing eyes. It took Morgan a minute to decide whether he should deny or not. But yet his boss did have a point. He just nodded strongly and excited to visit Garcia. Just because Reid didn't want to have fun with him doesn't mean his Babygirl won't.

()()()()()()()

Reid pulled out the keys to his apartment and tiredly unlocked his door. He tightened his grip on the strap of his go bag and walked in. He threw his bag on the couch and made his way over to the table, where he set his gun on and sat down with an exhausted sigh. He rubbed his eyes tiredly and just stared at the wooden table, trying to keep his eyes open. He couldn't fall asleep again, no way. What if slipped into another nightmare? He knew they weren't real, but how could his mind just do that to him?

Spencer shook his head before he could even think about the nightmares. Instead he made his way over to the coffee pot and began to make some coffee. He grabbed a pen and paper and walked over back to the table. He stared at the blank sheet as he thought of his mother; her paranoid screams were glued to his mind. Reid felt like his eidetic memory was a tape recorder. And the replay button was always stuck. The pause and erase button never worked. He let a small tear slid down his cheek and he quickly rubbed it off his face. He grabbed his pen and began to write.

_Dear mom,_

_I'm so sorry that I couldn't be in Nevada longer to spend time with you. _

_I hope you're doing okay since last time I saw you. Just remember, _

_it wasn't your fault. I love you so much, mom. I am so proud to be yours _

_and I hope you still know that. _

Reid put the pen down and whipped oncoming tears so he could see clearly. He hated crying, but thinking of his mother just made him want to. He was also a bit scared, strange stuff had been happening since he left his mom. When he finished rubbing his eyes, he looked back down at the uncompleted letter. But he blinked a few times as he saw the letters on the paper move and switch around. His mouth dropped as he carefully read it at his usual fast speed.

_Dear mom,_

_I'm so sorry you're not good enough to stay in Nevada longer to spend time with._

_I hope you're doing okay excepting the fact that you _

_have a pitiful son. Just remember, it's not your fault I turned into_

_a loser. I hope one day you'll be proud of me. _

His breathing increased and his hands shook. He didn't write that, but it was there, wasn't it? _No, no, she is proud of me. I'm not pitiful! _He told himself. All of a sudden, a loud beep pierced the air and Reid jumped. He dropped the paper and shot his head up to see the coffee pot was the culprit that snapped him out of his thoughts. He sighed with relief and looked back at the paper. His own words were there and he set the paper down. He read it again to double check before he got up and grabbed a coffee mug.

He poured his coffee and this time, made sure he did before he let the hot liquid spill down his throat. Reid was becoming worried all of a sudden, recalling all the weird events that had occurred. Now, all he was doing was double checking everything he did. He was having nightmares. Seeing things that weren't there. And he turned down a night out with his friends. What was wrong with him lately?

Reid eyes grew wide as he started to remember how his mother acted when he was a kid. Sometimes she would see things that weren't there. He remembered her talking to friends on the phone and always saying, "not tonight, ladies. I'm not in the mood."

Spencer almost dropped his coffee cup and his eyes grew wide. Didn't he say that to Morgan? He wasn't in the mood. Was he all of a sudden turning into his mother? No. He was not experiencing symptoms of schizophrenia. No way in hell. Reid held his head as a dizzy spell grew and he set down his mug on the table. He groaned as his eyes had refused to stay open. The coffee just wasn't working, he was too exhausted.

He quickly made his way to his room and collapsed onto his bed before he could hit the floor. He closed his eyes and couldn't help the feeling that was overtaking his body.

* * *

"_Oh man. Not again." Reid heard a voice say. Everything was dark until a sudden flash of white and he was outside the BAU office. He found himself gazing out the glass door. He spotted t Morgan sitting at his desk, who he figured was the owner of the voice he had heard. His friend was looking at a piece of paper and set it on his desk with a frustrated sigh. He saw Garcia walking to him and sat at the corner of his desk. _

"_What's wrong?" she asked him. Morgan handed her the piece of paper. _

"_I got another letter from Spencer," he said. Reid's heart cracked as he saw Garcia roll her eyes and groan. She didn't even bother to read it once he had said what it was. She set it on the desk and patted Morgan's shoulder. _

"_I got another one too," Emily's voice rang out. Morgan and Garcia both turned around to Emily's desk and saw her hole up an unopened envelope._

"_Same here," JJ said and walked out of her office. She walked over to the group and crossed her arms. Reid frowned and refused to cry; he opened the glass doors and walked over to his friends. He waited for them to look at him, maybe they would feel guilty or be shocked but they didn't notice him. Spencer waved his hand in front of JJ's face. She didn't even flinch. _

"_Guys?" he asked meekly. _

"_Man, this has to stop," Morgan said, not hearing Reid. "Ever since we sent him to that sanitarium he hasn't stopped with the stupid letters."_

"_And to think he would be out of our hair, he still annoys us even from miles away," Emily said. JJ nodded beside her. _

"_Guys, I'm right here. You didn't send me away," Reid said, but they still weren't listening! All of a sudden, Hotch and Rossi exited Hotch's office with someone Reid had never seen before. His bosses and the stranger walked to the group. _

"_I'm glad you guys are here. I want you to meet Jared Macalister. He'll be replacing Reid," Hotch said. The stranger shook everyone's hands and they all greeted him with a smile. _

"_Thank god a replacement," Morgan said. _

"_Was the other guy that bad?" Agent Macalister asked. Everyone groaned. Emily patted Jared's shoulder._

"_Please don't get him started," she begged with a chuckle. Everyone else chuckled as well. _

"_Come one, guys. We have a case to work on," Hotch said and led them to the round table room. Reid ran after them, he tried to grab Hotch's shoulders but he couldn't. _

"_Hotch wait! I'm right here! Morgan, Garcia!" he begged. He watched them laugh and walk into the round table room with Agent Macalister. Reid dropped to his knees and buried his face into his hands. _

"_This isn't happening," he mumbled to himself. _

"_Oh it's happening," a voice said. Reid raised his head and the BAU office was gone. He was back into the sanitarium lobby. He looked up to see his 'doctor' above him with a devious smile. _

"_I told you," she said. _

* * *

Reid jolted awake and sat up from his bed. He took in gulps of air as he struggled to breathe. He ran his fingers through his hair, his brown locks moist with sweat. Reid looked down at himself. He was still in a dress shirt and tie. He gripped his chest as his heart refused to stop beating rapidly. What the hell was his mind trying to tell him?


	6. Chapter 6

**I'm sorry it's been over a month since my last update. I'm not even going to waste your time with my excuses, so just enjoy this chapter. **

**I don't think I deserve reviews anymore, I'm sorry I kept ya'll waiting all the time. **

**Chapter 6**

Reid ripped the covers off of him and slowly rose from his bed, his body trembling. He was sick of the nightmares, sick of everything. He walked into the kitchen and found a cold cup of coffee, the one he didn't get to finish last night. He picked it up and dumped it in the sink then pulled out a fresh cup. As he started to make fresh coffee, Reid wondered about the thought that was haunting him for the longest time. Was he turning into his mother? After all the years, was schizophrenia finally getting to him?

He leaned his back against the counter and crossed his arms over his chest and pondered. What should he do? He's seen what happened to his mom. The voices and paranoia, he didn't want that. He didn't want to lose his job; it was what he was good at. What if his dreams were signs? Will the team really send him to the sanitarium? Will they ignore his letters and replace him? His dreams couldn't be right.

Reid was jerked from his thoughts as he heard the coffee machine go off. He poured the coffee into his cup and took a big gulp, hoping it would knock off the drowsiness. He rubbed his eyes exhaustedly and looked at the clock. His eyes nearly popped out of his head when he realized the time.

"Eleven o'clock?" he asked himself in disbelief. _Wait, what day is it? Am I late for work? _Reid pulled out his phone and checked the calendar just to be safe. _Oh thank god, it's only Saturday. _He sighed with relief and took another sip of his coffee. He couldn't remember the last time he got up at eleven o'clock. The case they work on yesterday must have been more tiring then he thought. Reid set down his coffee cup once he had heard a knock on his door.

He quickly made his way over and opened it to find Morgan. His friend stood there with jeans on and a black t-shirt tucked under it.

"Hey, Morgan. What are you doing here?" Reid couldn't hesitate to ask; normally Morgan would come over after calling. Morgan didn't exactly answer his question. His friend crossed his arms and stared Reid down. He looked down as well. Reid almost groaned once he noticed he was still wearing a half tucked in dress shirt with the tie in a screwed up knot. His pants were all wrinkly and his hair was greasy from sweating last night. His thin pencil mustache was now thicker and more noticeable. Morgan looked back up at him.

"Did you just wake up?" he asked, staring at the exhausted look in his friend's eyes. Reid opened the door wider so his friend could walk into his apartment.

"Uh, yeah. That case last night just wore me out," he lied. Reid looked around a little anxiously. "Do you want some coffee?"

"No thanks. Hey, Garcia and I were wondering if you wanted to catch a movie with us," Morgan said and then stared down at his friend again. "That is, when you're ready," he continued. Reid thought for a minute, if he denied, what would Morgan think? Will he start questioning him again? Maybe going out would calm him. He had been stressed with work lately, after all. He rubbed his eyes tiredly and held back a yawn.

"Sounds good, I guess. What movie?" he asked. Morgan smiled.

"Take your pick."

()()()()()()()

Garcia, Morgan, and Reid hopped out of Morgan's car and headed to the front door of the theater. Reid scanned the parking lot; there were a lot of cars, especially since it was Saturday. He wasn't a big fan of crowds, but he'll make it. All he had to do was stand in line and find a seat; hopefully it won't be a big problem. He held the door open for Morgan and Garcia and then walked inside. There was a long ticket line and people were walking in all sorts of directions. He gulped and continued to stare, maybe he couldn't do this. Why was it bugging him so much? It something that he normally wouldn't care about.

"Hey, kid, you're holding up the line," a grouchy voice said behind him. Reid jumped and looked behind him to see an older man really close to him, beyond him were people pushing and shoving so they wouldn't get squished.

"Oh, I am so sorry," he muttered and began to walk up to Morgan and Garcia, who were getting closer to the front of the line. The line was so close together and Reid could feel the man behind him breathing down his neck, making his body receive cold chills. He wished he never agreed to come, but if he didn't Morgan would have questioned him, he just couldn't win. Reid reached into his back pocket and took out some money then handed it to Morgan.

"Could you pay my ticket for me? I'm going to run to the restroom," he said. Morgan nodded and took the money. Reid muttered apologies as he tried to make his way out of the line, he felt like he was making everybody mad, the faces the people gave him were not kind. Once he got out of the line he made his way towards the bathroom. He walked in and saw the last man had just left, leaving the bathroom empty, all to himself. He walked up to the sink and splashed cold water onto his face.

The second Reid looked up he saw himself in the mirror and took a good look at himself, he looked like hell. Dark circles surrounded the bottom of his eyes and his face was pale. He grabbed a towel and began to wipe off his face, the second he was finished he threw it away. Before he could exit the bathroom a noise stopped him in his tracks.

"_Psst!"_

Reid whipped around and looked at the stalls behind him, thinking someone was watching him.

"_Psst! Over here," _a whisper said from behind. Reid turned around and saw himself, but the Reid he saw in the mirror looked a little different, it was himself but in a hospital dress and a sly grin on his face, his brown hair was tangled. Reid's jaw dropped, that couldn't be real. He reached out his hand to touch the mirror, right before his finger tip could touch the glass, the Reid in the reflection screamed menacingly. He flinched and drew back his finger; he backed up against the stall behind him and looked at himself with horror. He gripped his chest and took in gulps of air, the Reid in the mirror just smirked at him.

"_Hey, come here," _he said, gesturing him to come forward with his finger. Reid felt hypnotized, he didn't know why but he was taking small steps closer to the mirror. All of a sudden, a familiar figure appeared behind the second Reid. It was his 'doctor' from the first dream he had had.

"_Take a good look, Spencer. Because this is what you'll look like in the future," _she said. The Reid in the mirror stared at him with an evil grin.

"No," he said, shaking his head. The woman in the mirror nodded.

"_Yes, and I can't wait to take care of you," _she said. Reid balled his fists, he was getting sick of her haunting him all the time. He just wanted to smash the glass, but he did his best to keep his anger under control. All of a sudden, there was a knock at the door and Morgan opened it.

"Hey, Reid, the movie's going to start soon. You okay, man?" he asked. Reid looked at him and then at the mirror, the second version of him and his 'doctor' was gone. He looked back at Morgan and brushed his hair behind his ear.

"Yeah, I'm fine," he lied.

**I'm going to go ahead and stop it here. I'm so sorry again for taking a while to continue this. **


	7. Chapter 7

**Hey guys! Again, I don't want to waste your time with excuses. I'm just lazy and forgetful, that's really all I can say. So I'm sorry I keep you waiting a lot, you guys don't deserve that. If you're still interested in this story I hope you enjoy this chapter. This is supposed to be a shorter story than you expected so I'm also sorry if I kind of led you on. This might be the second or third last chapter, not sure yet. Anyway, thank you to the ones who still want to continue reading this, ya'll rock. **

**I'm also very sorry this is a poor excuse for a chapter, it's way too short. But I wanted to ended it in a suspenseful way **

**Chapter 7**

Morgan stared at Reid skeptically; he turned around and shut the door a little harshly, causing his friend to flinch. He walked up to Reid and stared at him straight in the eyes.

"What are you doing?" Reid asked, taking a cautious step backward, but Morgan remained uncomfortably close. Was this another hallucination? No, this was all too real; he could feel the hot hair coming from Morgan's flailing nostrils hitting his face.

"Reid, I've had it. You're not fine. If you would just tell me what the hell is freaking you out I can help you," Morgan said. Reid took another cautious step back, his eyes not leaving Morgan's.

"Nothing is freaking me out, how many times do I have to tell you this?" Reid snapped, he tried to walk past his friend and exit the bathroom but Morgan wouldn't let him pass. "Derek, I'm serious, nothing is wrong with me." Morgan raised his eyebrows.

"I never said anything was wrong with you. I just want to know why you're so freaked out," he said.

"_Oh, now you've done it. Now he's going to think you're crazy, and then you'll be mine," _the unpleasant voice of his doctor echoed in his head.

"Nothing is freaking me out, for the last time!" Reid shouted.

"_You're a liar, Spencer."_

"Just please get off my back about it," he muttered and tried to get out of the small bathroom again but Morgan still blocked his path.

"Reid, please talk to me. I'm your best friend, dammit," he said.

"_That's what they all say."_

"I have nothing to talk about," Reid replied. He was sick of being nice about it, this time he tried to push Morgan to get out.

"Come on, kid," he said while setting his hands on Reid's shoulder harshly. Caught off guard, Reid's reflexes kicked in and he struggled under Morgan's grasp, trying to push his arms off. Before he could free himself, Morgan pushed him against the bathroom wall as gently as he could to control his friend.

"Let go," Reid demanded.

"No, listen to me, man. You're scaring the team, you're scaring me and Garcia, for god's sake can't you see we care about you?" he asked. Reid finally stopped struggling and couldn't keep a straight face after hearing Morgan's words. He couldn't help his eyes welling up with guilty tears.

"_Don't listen to him! They don't care about you!" _

"Morgan, I can't tell you," Reid said, struggling to keep his voice clear.

"You can tell me anything, I've always been here for you. Remember the drug addiction? Remember how I was there for you, we talked and I helped you. Why won't you let me help you again?" Morgan demanded. Reid blinked his tears away, remembering the talks he and Morgan shared as he fought through it.

"_Help? The only way he can help you is to lock you up in a nut house."_

"This is different. I can't talk about it, I really can't," Reid said and began to squirm against the wall.

"_No, go ahead and tell him. I can already tell at this point you're screwed no matter what you say."_

"Reid, you are killing me. I will keep you in this bathroom until you tell me and that's a promise. Tell me now," Morgan said, gripping his friend's shoulders tighter. At that moment, a huge sensation of fear hit Spencer like a wave. Was this it? If he told him, would Morgan consider him crazy? Would the nightmares get worse? Was this also the end of his career? Was he going to end up in the same place as his mother?

All the questions hit him all at once and the world spun slower at that moment. He gripped his forehead and squeezed his eyes shut, letting the forced back tears finally escape his eyes. The light in the room became blinding and he shifted his head towards the ground, groaning. As if the room spinning wasn't bad enough, a splitting migraine hit him hard and he could feel his legs collapsing.

"Reid!" Morgan called as he caught his limp friend. Reid could barely register anything after that before everything faded away. The last thing he could see was Morgan's panicked expression above him.


	8. Chapter 8

**Hey ya'll! Thanks for the positive reviews from chapter 7! I honestly wasn't expecting reviews at all. But apparently you guys proved me wrong. Thanks! **

**On a different note, I'm not very good when it comes to medical stuff, so there's a possibility the stuff I describe don't actually happen. So I'm sorry if I get information wrong. **

**I hope you enjoy!**

**Chapter 8**

Morgan shifted his arms under Reid's and began to carry his unconscious friend out of the bathroom. Was this his fault? Did he actually cause Reid to just faint? He should have never confronted him in the bathroom; he should have just let it go. But no, he scared Reid so bad he made him faint. What kind of friend was he?

Morgan opened the bathroom door with his foot and gently dragged Reid along. An anxious Garcia was waiting for them to come out. He bet she would have never expected them coming out of the bathroom with one dragging the other. She covered her mouth and set down her bright pink purse. Garcia rushed to their side and helped Morgan prop their friend against a wall.

"Someone call an ambulance!" Morgan hollered at one of the theater employees, who rushed to grab a telephone. Everyone in the area turned their attention on them, some were trying to figure out what was going on, some were rushing out of the theater, and some just began to panic, as if Reid was dead.

Garcia and Morgan turned to Reid and then looked at each other. For once, Morgan felt useless, he wasn't sure if Reid was knocked out temporarily or permanently, he had no idea what to do. He looked at his friend and began to lightly tap his cheek.

"Reid, come back to us, man," he muttered to himself.

"What the hell happened in there? I thought you were just checking up on him," Garcia questioned rapidly.

"I was, but we started talking and-I can't even explain right now," Morgan replied, still trying to wake Reid up.

"How's his pulse?" she asked. Morgan complied by picking up Reid's wrist, relieved he had a steady pulse.

"He's okay," he answered. He and Garcia both shifted their attention to Reid as they saw him move his head to the side followed by a sight moan.

"Mor-morgan," he said quietly. After that, his head stopped moving and they had lost him again.

"Where's the damn ambulance?" Morgan demanded.

()()()()()()()

Reid's eyes fluttered open to be greeted by bright lights above him. He closed them and squeezed his eyes shut, after that, he felt like sleeping again, but he was too curious to find out where he was. So he cracked his eyes open once again and struggled to get his eyes to adjust to the lights. He lifted his head to find himself in a hospital room. _Oh no, I'm finished, _he thought looking around. This will be the room when he finds out he's crazy. This will be the room when he's told by Hotch he can't continue his work at the BAU. This will be the room when he loses his friends.

He weakly set his hands on the bed and tried to push himself up but couldn't yet find the strength in his arms to do so. He let his back collapse back onto the bed and stared back at the ceiling.

"Oh sweetie, could you lay still for once?" the sweet voice from Garcia said at his right. Reid snapped his head in her direction; he never noticed her right there. She looked like she had just woken up. A noticeable red spot appeared on her cheek from where he hand had been and she was smiling weakly with droopy eyes.

"Garcia-" his dry throat stopped him for a moment, he cleared it up before completing his sentence. "What happened?" he finished.

"The doctors ran some tests while you were out and said you had a panic attack just before you fainted. Is there something you need to get off your chest?" she asked him. Reid sank lower into the bed uncomfortably.

"I'm scared," he said faintly. Garcia's faced saddened.

"Why are you scared?" she asked. Reid leaned his head against his pillow and stared at the ceiling, he didn't want to finally confess his feelings, so he paused before telling her. He would open his mouth and then close it, wondering if he should really tell her. Garcia set a comforting hand over his.

"You can tell me," she said. Reid took in a large breath.

"I think I'm about to be diagnosed with schizophrenia," he said.

"What makes you think that?" Garcia worriedly asked.

"I've been hearing voices and seeing things, the nightmares have been the worst," Reid said with an unsteady voice. Garcia was silent for a while, she was absolutely confounded. Reid swallowed hard.

"Please say something," he begged her.

"Oh, honey. I really don't know what to say. Maybe it's just all in your head," she said.

"I'm turning into my mom, soon I'll be sent to the same sanitarium as her and I'll barely see you guys anymore," he said.

"Stop saying that! You're fine, I know you are," Garcia said while gripping his hand tighter. Silence overtook the friends for a moment or two and each thought of the worse. As Reid heard the clock ticking endlessly, he all of a sudden thought if the last person he saw before he lost consciousness, Morgan.

"I need to tell Morgan, where is he?" Reid asked. He watched Garcia sniff back some tears and looked at the clock.

"He went to the bathroom around ten minutes ago, he should be back any minute now," she said. Reid slammed his head against the pillow and sighed.

"I really messed up, Garcia," he said.

"No you didn't."

"Yes I did, I should have told Morgan the first time he asked me what was wrong. Maybe if I told him earlier, the symptoms wouldn't have gotten worse. I shouldn't have scared you all by the way I have been acting. I just hope he's not mad," Reid confessed.

"It's funny, Morgan thinks you're mad at him," Garcia said.

"Why would he think that?"

"He pressured you into something you didn't want to do. The doctors think the stress was just adding up and you're brain couldn't handle it all. He thinks it's his fault you passed out," she said. Reid cracked a small smile.

"How could I be mad at him? He wanted to help me so bad but I was just so afraid to tell him. I should be mad at myself for not telling anybody, even when he offered to talk," Reid said. The door opened and Morgan came in the room with, who Reid assumed, was his doctor.

"Hm, I figured you were going to wake up anytime now," the doctor said kindly.

"How are you doing, kid?" Morgan asked. Reid shrugged his shoulders.

"I guess I'm okay," he said. Although he and Garcia both knew he wasn't. They all looked at his doctor, who pulled out a chart from under his arm and began to look through it carefully. He looked back up at Reid and his friends.

"I have some news you need to hear, Dr. Reid," he said seriously. Reid and Garcia both looked at each other worriedly. _Those words, _he figured, _I've never wanted to hear those words._

**Hey, I honestly wanted to write more but it's just now midnight and I'm really tired. I didn't want to go without updating today so I just had stop before I could pass out. Then I figured what better place to stop it than right now? Haha. If I have time, I could finish the next chapter tomorrow, I hope! Anyways, goodnight!**


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